• Swinger U

    Swinger U: the icebreaker

    This is the first post in our Swinger University series.
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    Swinger University by Swinging Central Texas

    the icebreaker

    You see someone across the room and think, “They look like someone we should meet.” And then nerves set in and you wonder, “What do I have in my bag of tricks as an icebreaker?” So you go with the inevitable, “How did you get into the Lifestyle?” It’s the go-to conversation starter at all swinger events. In an arena where people are generally more cautious to discuss their employment or where they live, we must break the ice somehow. As a result, we are all prepared with our “story.”

    “How did you end up becoming a swinger?” On some level this leads me to other questions–ones that feel far less judgemental, but could be even more personal.

    • Where you always sex positve?
    • Did you always like to watch others have sex?
    • When did you know you were into girls?
    • Does your family know?
    • What about your children?

    All of these are the questions I want to ask but because they are personal, I always go with the old stand by.

    I have met some of my closest friends with this icebreaker. I am talking about my ride-or-die friends: the ones that you can ugly cry in front of, the ones who rescue you when you mash up your car in the rain, the ones who you call when you feel like your life is overwhelming and you need a shoulder to cry on and a friend to tell you it will all be okay in the end. Yes, it is true. Some of these friends have been play partners, and some were just friends. Some were “friend zoned” until the mood was just right and the stars aligned and you end up with a fantastic night of play you never expected. When you and your primary partner recap in the morning, laying in bed in the haze of a late night full of sex and laughs, you say things like, “Wow! I was not expecting that,” or “Why haven’t we played with so-and-so before?” These are the experiences that make us all come back week after week, party after party. 

    When you are new to the lifestyle, there are often thoughts, rumours, underground whispers, and urban legends, about swingers that are intimidating. All the women are going to be fit, and skinny, with perfect tits, amazing skin, and fantastic hair. The men will all be well endowed, perfectly tanned, and have amazing abs and killer guns. This kind of imagery in your brain already creates an intimidating presence. Well it could not be further from the truth! Guess what? The men and women in the lifestyle are the same as you and me. They are your neighbors, your coworkers, your kid’s teacher, your brother-in-law, your cousin, and so on.

    When you finally get the courage to attend a party or a club for the first time and look around–yes there are those with the “perfect” body, hair, outfit, tan arms or abs–but for the most part, you are hit with a wave of relief. When you actually stop and take a good look at the others in the room, you realize that this is a cross hatch of life. There are all different shapes, sizes, and colors in the room. Your intimidation is eased. And you remember, this is real life, not porn, so people are not crafted they are regular. The intimidating fears were all in your own mind, and the fantasy you’d like to fulfill comes from there as well. 

    Back to the person across the room that caught your eye, this is where the fantasy comes in. People in the lifestyle are, by and large, willing to talk. They are willing to open up and tell their sexual desires to people they have just met. You are in a room full of strangers who have nothing to gain or lose by engaging you. They give you random compliments, “nice shoes,” “great outfit,” or they may even say, “nice ass,” or “amazing tits”. Suddenly, you begin to feel like you are someone’s fantasy, and you feel sexy and desired in a new way, a way that is not the same as with your primary partner.

    Talk about a confidence boost! Feeling good about yourself makes you feel sex positive and allows you to unwind and partake in your own fantasies. Is that watching your partner with another person? Is that a threesome or moresome? Or, could it just be the flirtation or even a light touch with a stranger who is intriguing?

    We all come to this in different ways but when we go in with an open mind, we realize we all are looking for the same thing: a community–a community that accepts us for who we are and makes us feel good about ourselves. 

    --"trixie".